Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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