you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
