I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
