i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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