Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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