I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You're like the curious george of whores
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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