Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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