I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
