how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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