So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
