So drunk its hurt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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