I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize