Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
