shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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