im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
