i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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