normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
