Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
