Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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