put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
