You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
