I wish i was in the wii world.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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