When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
