Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
