I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
