Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
