I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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