Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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