Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
