they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
