I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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