Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize