there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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