I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
