i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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