I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
