i was born a porn star she said
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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