dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
