my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
babies were throwing up all over the place
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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