The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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