you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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