Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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