He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
