how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize