big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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