we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
