I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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