Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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