I just cut my nipple shaving
Say something about gay babies.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Randomize
