If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
