Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
