I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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