I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
