We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
