He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize