Umm I'm too high to move.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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