I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
