just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
