Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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