I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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