In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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