Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How naked do you want me to be?
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