i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
