I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
