Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
