her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
