did i walk over a car last night?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
