I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
