I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
