he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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