Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
