She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
