You're my little dorito
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
