Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
