I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
