You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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