I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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