you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
