i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
