I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My life is pants optional.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
