Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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