yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
