Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
