No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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