You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
