and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
