in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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