I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
