Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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