it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
