just tell him i said nine months
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
