she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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