just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
