I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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