I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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