I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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