My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
