i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
