So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
