I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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