Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
