I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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