That's intense
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We need a shit load of segways right now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
