can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
