I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
