Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize