Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
