He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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