We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
