Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need a beard to bite.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
