I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
