wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
