You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
