Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
