I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
