I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
