oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize