It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
