hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
