It's like God shit irony all over that family
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
